Fri. Dec. 30, 2016
UnVeiling The Spirit World - Healing My Inner Child The day before I went to go back to the doctor, I was sitting in my sunroom when a bluejay smacked up against my window. He didn't fall to the ground but he did fly up in the crabapple tree to rest. I kept sending him energy through the window. Now, In native, teachings, bluejay means you are going to get more clarity on something. The fact that bluejay had made it through indicated that the news could be jarring but things would turn out in the end. I didn't have long to wait because when I went to my appointment with the doctor, she was not happy with the dressings they had been putting on my wound. They were sticking and removing parts of the new skin and it was impeding healing. So at the time of this writing, I guess I am supposed to rest some more.
I need to set the stage for this story because the root of it begins when I am about 5 yrs old. My brother Martin had drowned at the age of nine when I was about two and a half. It was a very sad, confusing time for me because I didn't really understand what death was. I was so sensitive even back then, that I shouldered much of my family's grief. I remember a photo album in the end table drawer in the living room. It was filled with pictures of my brother in his coffin. There was one of me standing beside his coffin in a blue velvet dress and black patent shoes looking like a deer in the headlights.
So fast forward a couple of years and one day my appendix ruptured and I had to be rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery. I later learned about the teachings of Louise Hay. In her book, You Can Heal Yor Life, she states that every single dis-Ease has an emotional root cause behind it and the appendix meant giving upon life.The fact that it was ruptured indicates that my soul just wanted to leave and be with my brother.
They took my appendix out but the physical scar that was left behind still looks like they took it out with a machete 55 yrs later. My next experience was to go into a coma because they gave me the wrong blood. I remember leaving my body and looking down at myself in the hospital bed. My parents were weeping. There was also a priest by the name of Father Vanston. He was there to give me the last rites. Suddenly, I am seeing my brother Martin standing before me surrounded in light. He smiled at me and said, Are you sure you want to do this? They've already lost one of us. The next thing I knew, I was back in my body.
I came out of the coma but was super sensitive now. Finally the day came to have my stitches out. I was so frightened of the doctor that I bolted from my hospital room. I ran down the hallway, scooted into the elevator and went down to the cafeteria, where I hid behind the ice cream cooler. When the doc finally caught up to me, he was really pissed. He marched me back to my room and then proceeded to yank the stitches out, being extremely rough with me. When he was finished, he snarled, I'll see you back here when I take your tonsils out. So 5 yr old Jeanne looked up at him and said, I am never coming back here.
Now I am fast forwarding 55 yrs later to 2016 when I get this small burn on the the inside of my right leg on my calf. According to Louise Hay, the right side of the body is the male side. It is the side of the father; the make things happen no matter what type of energy. Legs are also about moving forward in life. Ah yes, well my father taught me how to hunt, fish and shoot. I was driving a boat when I was six and a car when I was twelve. He taught me so well, I didn't “real eyes” I was a girl until I was about thirty-six!
What I find interesting is that the word child vibrates to the number 36 in numerology; a subject I have been studying for thirty years. Healing our inner child is all about trusting our inner sense, the part that gets hidden or lost as a result of the layers of conditioning that we as a collective are in the midst of peeling off now.
Apparently, I signed on to do so in a big way in order to go back in time and heal my inner child. I actually believe that through this experience I am about to share, that this particular string of experiences was to heal things past lives as well.
So now I want to get back to the burn. As I mentioned, it was a small brown spot on my calf when one day I noticed that the skin had opened up and it had a red ring around it. I began putting salt compresses on it to draw the infection out, but to no avail. I wondered why it wasn't healing and why I hadn't been successfull in healing it myself since I had been able to do that with any other health challenge that had come up over the years. I meditated on it and I got that I was being challenged to overcome a deeply rooted fear of doctors and hospitals that stemmed from my experiences as a child.
I asked Spirit for a sign as to what I needed to do next. I didn't have long to wait because it came the next day. My hubby Ken had gone up north with our friend Paul to help clean up his summer camp and prepare it for the winter. He was raking leaves when suddenly he unearthed a dead hawk. Ken and I have been together for 7 yrs and he knew that seeing a dead hawk was not a good sign. He said that he felt a bit sick and had chills running up and down his spine. I call those “truth bumps.” It is the body's way of relaying a message to pay attention. Ken was then impulsed to text me right away with the news. The chills transferred to me. Spirit had just had sent me a big sign and message. I made the decision to go to the clinic.
I made the call the next morning and booked myself in for next day. I then began looking for my health card because I have moved several times in the past ten years and haven't had to draw on the health system. Let me tell you, you don't get any gold stars for this. You get treated like an alien and a second class citizen. I couldn't find my card so I thought no worries, I will take my ID to the ministry and get a new one before my doctor's appointment.
I was up at the wicket, leg just pulsing with pain when I was informed that my health card had expired seven years earlier. So down the government rabbit hole I go and now I can share my experience and let you know not to take Your health card for granted. It doesn't matter if you are a Canadian citizen or not. If you let your health card expire for more than a year, you have to provide income tax assessments proving that you were in the country for each year it has expired or no health card!
Luckily for me, I have a wonderful accountant who kept copies of them all. I wasn't able to get my health card verification before my first appointment at the clinic. When I arrived at the front desk, the secretary turned from a sweet blue eyed medical secretary to a snarling, judgemental wild woman. She stood there and berated me for about 5 minutes non stop and then said, well you'll just have to take your chances at emergency because until you get your health card, you have to pay for each visit. She was looking down her nose at me. I quickly did a mental check of my clothes to make sure they didn't have pauper written all over them. I smiled to myself and made a mental note to wear my mink next time.
I said to her, how much per visit and she replied, forty dollars. I paid her and took a sweet tangerine from my purse and placed it in front of her. I said, Hey sister, I didn't come here for a lecture. I came because I need my leg attended to. Oh and where's my bag of gold stars for being well all this time? Her crust started to crumble but she still insisted on telling me that it would be a month of Sundays before I got my health card issue straightened out. I asked Spirit to help me cancel her thoughtform. You can do that you know!
So now I go in to see the doc and he immediately prescribes 500 mg antibiotics and gives me a prescription for some heavy duty antibiotic cream that felt like a shark was biting my leg every time I applied it to the wound. My intuition told me that something wasn't right but I ignored it because I wanted to believe it was working. I had to go back to him the following week, which gave me time to get my paperwork together and get my health card.
The day of my appointment arrived and my friend and I left early in order to give us plenty of to get my health card before the appointment. I had all my assessments, or so I thought. Spirit nudged me to take my GST assessments as well, even though I was told that they would only take the income tax assessments. The office was full when we arrived but by the time we got up to the wicket, there was no one else in the building. I had the feeling prior to going that there may be a glitch, but I didn't know what. Anyway, I was hoping to get the older woman who had served me the week before, but oh no, I had to get a young woman who had been there about a week. She started going through my assessments and noticed that there were 3yrs missing. Oh oh, I thought as I texted my friend Mary whom I had asked to stand by and send positive energy my way. In the text I said, challenge at the Ministry office. Please energize speedy solution. She texted me right back...done. I smiled to myself because there were still no other people in the building and now all four of the clerks had gathered round. None of them had dealt with anything like this before. Of course, I thought to myself.
I noticed that the clerk to my right was wearing a hematite pendant of a Goddess around her neck. Good sign, I thought. I said, Hey, Goddess lady, can you help me out here? She began to go through the files and verified that yes, there were 3 yrs missing. I then pulled out my GST assessments and the missing years were there but the young woman serving me was still balking. Then the clerk with the Goddess necklace says, Let me see your drivers license. It had been renewed within the missing time period. She gathered up the paperwork and looked at the young woman and said, Give her her healthcard number and the temporary paperwork she needs. Ahhh, I breathed a sigh of relief as I mentally thanked my “helpers” for pushing it through.
Next stop was the clinic. A victorious grin broke out on my face. Now I understand the concept of the laughing Buddha a bit more. I was recalling the secretary at the clinic telling me that it would be a month of Sundays before I got my paperwork and my health card back from the government. My friend Linda dropped me off at the front door and went to park the truck. I told her I would wait. I wanted her to see the look on Kim's face when I produced the health card papers that I managed to get in less than a week.
My leg was hurting pretty badly as I was waiting for Linda. Just then, an SUV pulled up in front of me. The people parked and got out and went into the clinic. My eyes were fixated on the license plate. It read PAT IS 2. Linda came up beside me then and said, What are you looking at? Is something wrong? I smiled and said, Well Linda, although this type of thing happens for me all the time, it never ceases to amaze me. What thing? she said. Messages from Spirit, I said. You see that license plate here that says PAT IS 2? Yes, she replied. Well Pat is the name of my husband that crossed over due to suicide. He just wants me to know that he is with me every step of this journey. That gives me comfort.
We went inside then and sat down because there was a man already at the counter. We were still talking quietly about the spirit world when I said yes, I have really been feeling my father around me lately as well. As soon as I said that, the cell phone belonging to the guy at the counter started to ring. It was the Hockey Night in Canada theme song. I burst out laughing. Linda turned to me with a look that said, explain. I said, Look, I just mention my dad and the Hockey Night in Canada song comes on. My father watched hockey every Saturday night for as long as I can remember. It was kind of a joke in our house because he built a recroom and would hole up in there every Saturday night with his mickey of vodka that he had hidden from Mom. He chose vodka because he thought that she couldn't smell it on his breath.
When Kim was finally ready to see us, my sense of humor was in full swing. I saluted her German style and said, I haff my papers! She didn't really think it was funny because she was too shocked to think of much. I handed her another tangerine and smiled. Tact is when you can tell someone where to go so nicely that they are actually looking forward to the trip. I went to the clinic the next week and the wound just kept getting bigger and angrier. He decided to send me urgently to a wound specialist. Should I be worried I asked as I mentally recalled a dream I'd had the night before where a bear was scooping out my leg with his claws.There was also something else I had stored that had not registered until I was told about the pending appointment with the wound doctor. I had seen a huge paleated woodpecker at the bird feeder the day before. He wasn't eating the seeds. He was just perched there looking straight at me through the window. I did make a mental note of it at the time, thinking that something has to be cleansed and it was big because paleated woodpeckers don't usually come around here; especially not close enough for me to be able to look into his wise eyes.
I only had to wait two days for my appointment with Dr. Thompson. (same name as my ex-husband but no relation) I arrived at the out-patient clinic and immediately had a full blown anxiety attack and went right back to 1962 and 5 yr old Jeanne again. The trigger was the first person I saw had just had his leg amputated. As the severity of my situation sunk in, I was really being challenged to stay calm. Linda and the nurses managed to get me into a chair with my leg up. Just as my breathing returned to normal, an intern doctor showed up. Now this is really interesting because what I am about to share with you is how my subconscious mind had re-created a doctor being rough with me when I was five and how I had apparently brought a similar experience into the present so 5 year old Jeanne could to be healed.
The intern didn't address me other than to say gruffly, Let me see the wound. It had now grown to the size of a naval orange and was pulsing with pain. The intern began poking roughly all around the red ring. Then he reaches into his pocket and whips out a pair of tweezers! He starts scraping the cream off my wound and then plucking at its inner core with the tweezers saying, This all has to come out. I found my voice then and bellowed at him to leave my leg alone and then I demanded, Who are you anyway? I am certain that the whole floor heard me yelling. He put his head down and said that he was with Dr. Thompson, the wound doctor. I said, Well my appointment is with him, not you. He didn't stick around after that.
Dr. Thompson came out of surgery, cap still on, smiling at me in his blood splattered gown. He looked at my wound and said, Well I don't have to take you into the operating room today. I considered it my lucky day since his other patient was the one with the stump.The doctor referred me immediately to a plastic surgeon who upon inspecting it a half an hour later, told me that I was very close to systemic poisoning and that I had to get a skin graft on my leg or it would never heal and I would lose it! Well, not much choice there.
My new doctor's name was Klok; different spelling for something that marks time, but interesting to note. Emergency surgery was scheduled in two days time so I didn't have time to really get agitated about it but I pulled out all the cards. I contacted all my healer friends and asked them to send me energy on the day of the surgery. I wondered to myself whether I should make a living will, I was that challenged with trusting the process of going under the anesthetic. I cancelled my negative thoughtform and stayed in the present. I reaffirmed to myself that everything was fine.
The day of the surgery came and we arrived at the hospital outpatient waiting room. There was no one there! I was really surprised by this because that is unusual. I was quickly ushered to the nurse who was in charge of taking my vitals. She was a lovely Swedish woman by the name of Signe. We were chatting a bit when she asked me what kind of work I did. I told her that I was a numerologist and psychic medium and she was really open and intrigued so I gave her a quick reading after getting permission to work with her guides. It blew her mind. I fished in my purse for a card to give her and then we got down to business.
She took my blood pressure and her eyebrow shot up. Oh, oh, I thought as I remembered the secretary at the clinic berating me for not using the health system in over 7 years. She said, Your blood pressure is absolutely normal! Next, she checked my temperature. It was normal too even though I was fighting a serious infection. Lastly, she checked my oxygen level. It was at 99%. You're good to go she said as we began the next step of the journey, which was pre-op. Signe turned to Linda and said, I'm afraid you are not allowed to go there with Jeanne. I immediately turned into 5 yr old Jeanne again and began to stress. Linda said quietly, Well I understand but Jeanne hasn't been operated on since she was 5 yrs old and she didn't have a positive experience at that time. Is there any way you can bend the rules? Signe smiled at us and said, Well, it's not very busy so I suppose I can. No one was in the pre-op room either. Even the T.V. was thankfully off or I may have had to throw a rock through it. Smile.
I donned my surgical outfit and sat comfortably wrapped in a warm blanket waiting to go into surgery. I was calm for a few more blessed moments. Then they brought the gurney in so they could wheel me into surgery. That's where I met my anesthetist, Dr. Goldberg. He had really kind eyes and when he looked at me, it felt like I had known him before. He explained the procedure to me and then told me about the tube down my throat. I smiled weakly and said, Well go easy with my throat. I am a singer. He smiled and said something that I found interesting. It will be okay THIS TIME, like he knew about 5 yr. old Jeanne. The next thing I knew, I woke up in post-op. They asked me if I wanted a drink of water. I said, Where did it come from? Oh, it's city water that's been filtered. I said, I'll take my chances on some gingerale and a popsicle. There was a soft cast on my leg. The doctor had decided to debride (remove all the bad stuff ) first and then schedule me for the skin graft the following week. I was to walk only if I needed to and to have my leg elevated the rest of the time.
The week passed and it was time for my second surgery. I had to face going under again. I was a little more confident of the process this time but was not looking forward to having a skin graft. We arrived at the waiting room and this time, it was packed. Almost every chair was occupied. Linda wheeled me up to the counter and they took my name but Instead of having to sit in the waiting room, I was whisked immediately to the nurses station. So far, so good, I thought. Once there, a nurse I recognized from the first time I was at the hospital was there to take my vitals. Signe stopped in to say hi and asked the nurse who was working with me if she knew I was a numerologist and started going on about the little reading I had gifted her with the week before. She too was open and interested, so I asked permission to work with her guides and gave her a reading as well. Her name was Kim. She took my vitals and they were the same as they were the week before.
I had almost two hours to wait until surgery. Kim said, I know you are really sensitive. You don't want to go back into that busy waiting room, do you? I shook my head. She turned to Linda and I and said, Come with me, I will take you someplace quiet! So off we went to the pediatric waiting room and there was no one there. Even better, there was a private room where she wheeled my gurney and then went and got Linda a recliner and me some warm blankets. Kim turned down the lights and pulled the curtain across the doorway. I was so tired that I fell asleep until it was time for surgery.
This time, the anesthetist was rough with no bedside manner and because I felt anxious, he had to resort to jamming the needle into my hand. Now I had re-created one of my other 5 yr old Jeanne experiences. I remember screaming just before I went under. Apparently, the trauma didn't last too long because I was told that I entertained the whole post-op floor while coming out of the anesthetic. I alternated between belting out our original Five Mile Turn songs and asking where my Angel was.
It was time for me to go home and I was hooked up to a machine called a medi-vac. It was like an electric leech attached to my leg where the wound was. I was on a three foot tether with R2D2 at the end of it for a week. That, coupled with the hydro-morphone they sent me home with for the pain made walking at all a strange experience for me. It's called vulnerability, something that the male genes in my family are conditioned to completely ignore. So being my father's daughter and this was the right or male side of my body, that was being affected, I would hazard a guess, that I was supposed to heal this line of thinking in my father's bloodlines. You see, I couldn't walk anywhere, without my hubby's help and since I vowed as a child not to become as helpless as my mother appeared to be, this was challenging and frustrating for me. What are you doing this week Jeanne? Oh nothing, just learning another valuable life lesson. It's okay to receive as well as give.
The week went by and I waited for Linda to pick me up and take me to my appointment with Dr. Klok to get the machine off. I wasn't prepared for the excruciating pain involved in removing it. They had taped the suction cup to my wound. At one point, Linda was laying across my chest to try and comfort me as well as keep me from levitating off the table. I also found out at that time that I had 23 staples in my leg that had to come out at a later date. Now came the process of having VON coming in every second day to change the dressing but I was so great-full to have the machine off my leg. It's amazing what you take for granted until something like this happens. VON was coming in every day to change the dressings and each time, they did, the dressing stuck to my wound, pulling off bits of skin with it, but again, I had placed my trust in the medical world.
One thing I never take for granted are the messages I get from the Spirit World through animals, birds, numbers and a variety of other ways! Like the last little anectdote to this epilogue. When I returned home from the hospital for the second time and recovered enough to open up my emails, there was one in there from my late husband's brother Kevin. We had not connected by email for about two years and now, out of the blue but right on time was his message. “Hi Jeanne, I hope you are well. I told Kevin that his brother had impulsed him to send me the message in order to let me know that he was on the job.
In the message, Kevin mentioned a poem published by Carlos Castaneda that was found in Pat's personal effects after he died. It was about the Eagle and says it all.
I am already given to the power that rules my fate
And I cling to nothing, so I will have nothing to defend
I have no thoughts, so I will see
I fear nothing, so I will remember myself
Detached and at ease, I will dart past the Eagle
to be free.
I continue to heal and as I write this story, I trust that sharing these experiences will assist you in understanding further just how multi-layered we are and how multi-dimensional our world really is.
UnVeiling The Spirit World - Healing My Inner Child
The day before I went to go back to the doctor, I was sitting in my sunroom when a bluejay smacked up against my window. He didn't fall to the ground but he did fly up in the crabapple tree to rest. I kept sending him energy through the window. Now, In native, teachings, bluejay means you are going to get more clarity on something. The fact that bluejay had made it through indicated that the news could be jarring but things would turn out in the end. I didn't have long to wait because when I went to my appointment with the doctor, she was not happy with the dressings they had been putting on my wound. They were sticking and removing parts of the new skin and it was impeding healing. So at the time of this writing, I guess I am supposed to rest some more.